Dismal reviews of Canada’s attractions

It’s always a breath of fresh air to read the truth in a caker publication. As this article is not only true but a relative rarity, I’m going to share it here. (My comments below the quotes.)


From the National Post:

“If this year is anything like 2016, a flock of tourists the size of the population of Nova Scotia will be coming to Canada this summer. While most go home satisfied, a chosen few will gaze upon Canada’s wonders and decide that the whole enterprise was a waste of time.

Three months ago, the National Post explored the phenomenon of tourists giving dismal reviews to Canada’s world-renowned national parks. Now we present a gallery of reviews bashing everything else, from museums to memorials to historic sites. All reviews are quoted verbatim.


Royal Tyrrell Museum (Drumheller, Alta.)

“Rather than calling this a Museum, I would call it a shrine to the ideology of evolution. No real dinasaur bones are on display, just fiberglass replicas. The written presentation accompanying each display presents only the theory of evolution. Almost no factual info such as who found the bones and where and when they were found is available.”

Being that dinosaurs are integral to Drumheller and what it’s known for, you’d think they could do better and have REAL bones. But that’s asking too much of Canada and its dino capital! I remember visiting as a kid and seeing a few museums, no doubt they are dismal viewing as an adult.

Rideau Canal (Ottawa, Ont.)

“This open sewer/historic canal does not have any decent places to eat nearby (nothing remotely at Vancouver’s culinary level) or interesting attractions, because the Stalin it’s type bureaucracy that controls it (called the NCC) doesn’t like vibrant urban activity.”

Having lived in Ottawa I can comment on this. The canal is a murky green-brown. It’s shallow and the bottom is filled with rocks, concrete and garbage. There’s no wildlife to be seen other than the odd duck. In the summer it STINKS in many areas from the sewage seeping in or broken pipes releasing fecal fumes. Walking along it presents no special viewing, with little to do, a lot of roads, traffic and abandoned homeless camping spots.

CN Tower (Toronto, Ont.)

“Hours in a line to get up, and the same to get down. Why did I think viewing Toronto would be worth any wait?”

You spend an hour or two waiting in line. You finally get to the top. You look out the window and get to see Toronto: all you witness are brown and grey buildings as far as the eye can see … incredibly ugly and depressing. Then you get to spend half an hour getting down. Just skip it, trust me.

National War Museum (Ottawa, Ont.)

“This gives a poor image of Canada’s War Memorial. It is most likely the entrance to a hotel. Come on get with it.”

Yeah this is the war memorial: just a little statue down town among other statues and monuments. They sometimes do a changing of the guard near it which looks like a cheap knock-off version of the British kind, done for a few tourists’ pennies. You can go see the Canadian War Museum nearby – nothing special either. (It would do for a small city, but this is the nation’s capital!)

World’s Largest Fiddle (Sydney, N.S.)

“We were walking by the waterfront when we saw the fiddle. People call this an attraction? It’s just a fiddle, nothing to write home about.”

This is a great example of how interesting Nova Scotia is. Oh I know … you have waterfront views of the ocean and can go on boats. Just don’t remind the cakers that you can do that anywhere on coastal lands – this is “special” in Canada.

Emily Carr Birthplace (Victoria, B.C.)

“Only three of the rooms in the house are available for viewing, The video about Emily Carr is far too long. Two cats have the run of the entire site, which we had to leave due to our alergic reaction to the felines. Save your money.”

There’s nothing special to see on Vancouver Island. The only things worth going for are hiking in the ancient redwood forests and whale watching. As for this: you basically get to walk into a house, see a couple rooms of nothing and walk out (sums up Vancouver Island nicely).

Montreal’s Gay Village (Montreal, Que.)

“I starting visiting Montreal about 5 years ago. In those days the Gay Village was vibrant with sexual energy and had an edge that was exciting. Open and friendly with a true element of masculinity. Montreal’s Gay Village has been reduced to a play ground for straights, twinks and girls. Even venues like the once famous Leather/Denim bar at the edge of the Village, Le Stud, has made double sure that that only women and boys are welcome. They claim that this is a club for “men who like men”, but upon entering the place there is not a masculine man in site.”

I can’t comment much on this, other than “upon entering the place there is not a masculine man in site” could probably apply to many places in Canada. Montreal is a dirty, brown, grey ugly city with a few nice spots thrown in. The people are marginally better than the rest of cakers and there’s more to do than the average caker city … although Montreal’s “vibrancy” would be considered normal in any American or European city (human activity).

Terry Fox Monument (Thunder Bay, Ont.)

“There is not much to do in thunder bay, its a very boring city, that i probably why this monument is on the list of what there is to do in thunder bay!”

Ah Thunder Bay, I’ll touch on this place soon. In most normal countries a “monument” is something like the Eiffel Tower or Statue of Liberty. In sad Canada a little piece of concrete in any of its small dump cities becomes a “monument” and an “attraction.”

Canadian Museum for Human Rights (Winnipeg, Man.)

“I feel like my human rights were violated by having them trap me in this monstrosity for two hours. It’s not just bad. It’s surprisingly bad. It’s embarrassingly bad … there’s very little here. Granted, they keep reminding you that ‘some of the galleries are not open yet’… but even if these unopened spaces are full of spectacular things like animatronic Gandhis and holographic race riots, it still won’t be enough.”

It’s Winnipeg, enough said! If you leave Winnipeg without being robbed, stabbed or losing your will to live … consider yourself blessed.

Notre Dame Basilica (Montreal, Que.)

“Line was so long, we couldn’t get near the place. The plaza was ok. A guy was selling his guitar CDs and playing guitar. However, he had the amp plugged into the CD and he wasn’t actually playing the guitar. Interesting.”

In my experience whenever you want to do anything remotely interesting in Montreal or see an “attraction” be prepared to wait 60-120 minutes to get in, and then it’s never worth the hype. In this case, there’s a nice church; too many to count in Europe, plenty in the U.S. – but here any nice or older architecture is a big deal.

Habitat 67 (Montreal, Que.)

“Looking at these appartment buildings, it looks like a very unco-ordinated pile of boxes. Not my style of architecture.”

Sad but true … this ugly lump of buildings is an “attraction” that cakers proudly list as something to see in Montreal. Here if you can build things and have them last a few decades without falling apart or succumbing to the bone-shattering winters it’s applauded.

Butchart Gardens (Victoria, B.C.)

“What a disappointment. Of course it was late May so not a lot of flowers but was very busy and not much to see. Too many tourist but the most disappointing this to me was seeing a Japanese flag flying next to the Canadian flag. Are you kidding?”

A nice garden … they have one in every city. Next!

World’s largest dinosaur (Drumheller, Alta.)

“Just did not look real, at entrance to museum,maybe kids like it but it looks like a poor imitation.it is valuable as a landmark on the way to see something else.”

They said it was the world’s largest dinosaur, not that it was a quality one! Once you’re finished looking at this paper-mache school project, why not head on down to the dinosaur museums with no bones?

Wreck of the S.S. Ethie (Gros Morne National Park, N.L.)

“Not worth going down the steps to the beach! It’s just a bunch of rusty metal parts scattered along the beach! An environmental clean-up is needed by the Federal Government! Even the interpretation sign was in poor shape, too!”

In most places looking at rusty garbage dumps would be considered a forced chore. Here in Canada it’s an “attraction”! So have a long hard look at this photograph and skip the visit.

Miss Piggy Plane Crash Site (Churchill, Man.)

“While there is some sort of story that goes with Miss Piggy, it is simply a bucket of rust that crashed near Churchill. If you are interested, just look at the pictures. The only thing interesting about it was looking for polar bears while my group stared at it.”

Do I even need to comment? It’s an old junk plane. I hope they got their money back, but I doubt it – scamming unaware tourists and immigrants is how we keep the local dollars flowing!

Plains of Abraham (Quebec City, Que.)

“The french come here every year on their national holiday to celebrate their independence but they forget it was the ENGLISH who won the war and granted them the right to stay here and practice their language and religion.”

A nice looking park to walk around with a cheesy little museum. Unlike in the U.S., nothing of major historical importance to most people and no summer re-enactments or in-depth viewing/historical tours.

West Edmonton Mall (Edmonton, Alta.)

“While this place is a Mall crawlers fantasy I hate Malls. There is nothing you could ever need that this place doesn’t have except for peace and quiet. If I liked Malls I could spend weeks in here and not see everything they have to offer.”

Nothing special … a giant mall. It has a bunch of stores in it, movie theater, pools, etc. If you’re like me and hate malls and pathetic unnecessary consumerism, this is your worst nightmare. Of course to the hillbillies in northern Alberta a big mall is “fancy” and exciting!


Comment:

There you have it folks, this is literally the kind of garbage you find as things to ‘see and do’ in Canada. I took the Parliament building off the list to be fair. While Ottawa is a complete dump, the Parliament building does hold historical significance for Canada and it is the only one in the country. I toured it once during a visit, never felt the need to go back a second time which probably says something.

There was no commentary on Niagara Falls, so let me fill you in: stick to the American side; Niagara and St. Catherines are creepy.

The Canadian side is filled with cheesy attractions: arcades, bad restaurants and such. It’s like a trailer trash wannabe version of Vegas, only I’m pretty sure a sight-seeing attraction put together by a mobile home park would actually be nicer and more interesting. You can buy severely overpriced trinkets all plastered with a maple leaf to remind you of your awful vacation.

Niagara Falls is filled with immigrants from developing nations (who didn’t know any better), drug addicts, criminals and general hillbillies.

There you have it folks, a cross country tour of Canada!

If you come, do it for the wilderness and outdoor activities – the only things actually worth seeing. But if you can do them in Europe or the USA, stay there! They too have mountain ranges, beaches, prairies, coastal waters and even arctic climates.