It’s time to quit procrastinating and start digging into the shit pile that is Edmonton, Alberta.

Edmonton is the capital of Alberta. To give you an idea of how attractive it is, see picture (left). 

The current urban population is around the 900,000 mark (slightly over) and the metropolitan area is a little over 1.3 million people. It’s ethnic minority population is large at nearly 30%. The bulk of the city’s industry is tied to fossil energy and has been since the 1940s. 

Edmonton began as a dumpy little town which was incorporated into a city in 1904 and became the capital a year later when the province of Alberta was created. The only reason anyone went there was because of the gold rush in nearby Yukon, the Canadian Pacific Railway, and cheap land used to attract settlers.

Edmonton’s biggest claim to fame came from the West Edmonton Mall built in 1981 which was the largest mall in the world for a couple decades, and remains the largest in North America. (It really speaks to the nature of the city —
and climate — that the most exciting thing to do is to go to a mall and spend money.) Edmontonians tried to market it as the Eighth Wonder of the world – no joke.

Like Ottawa, Edmonton tries to be interesting by throwing countless “festivals” and giving itself the name “Canada’s Festival City”. Countless activities and performers who would be considered par for the course in other world class cities become “festival events” in Edmonton.


Yes, this is actually a name that Edmonton is known by in Canada. To quote the Urban Dictionary:

“An affectionate nickname for Edmonton, Alberta, Canada, a city trading places with Winnipeg for Murder Capital of Canada, where approximately 40% of the homicides are caused by stabbings, according to statistics.   

Stabmonton mayor Mandel has called for a ban on the sale of “knives large enough to do serious bodily harm” or something similar.”

In fact, Global news has its own subsection called Edmonton Stabbing; as does the Edmonton Journal. In 2015 roughly half of Edmonton’s homicides were stabbings, putting it third place in Canada for such crimes. In 2016, over a quarter of its homicides were stabbings. By 2017 its 49 homicides made it third in Canada again for that crime, with at least one-third of those being stabbings.

The other nickname currently in use is Deadmonton – reflecting the city’s lack of appeal and the level of its inhabitants’ boredom, or alternately its murder reputation.

More fun

Sexual assaults remain high in Edmonton. In 2014, sexual assault was the fastest rising violent crime in Edmonton with 6 or 7 serious assaults every weekend. The city was seizing “gallons more” GHB than seen in other cities its size, and despite climbing rates of assault the police chief stated they knew only 10-15 percent of the assaults were reported. 

By 2016 matters weren’t much better: Edmonton continued to have a significant amount of sexual assaults per capita, beating out major cities. For example: In Edmonton there were 92.2 sexual assaults per 100,000 people, compared to 62.9 in Toronto, 74.9 in Vancouver, 45.8 in Montreal, and 52.3 in Calgary.

And as 2018 ended, Edmonton had the second-highest sexual assault rate in the country, which the city laughably kept trying to play off as a result of the #MeToo Movement. (Which would explain an increase in reported numbers overall, but not specifically why Edmonton is in second place.)

Even more fun

Since the city amalgamated several nearby municipalities and areas into it’s CMA (Census Metropolitan Area), urban sprawl has become a large issue: its projected to cost the city over a billion dollars. The new $600+ million LRT is a complete mess. Like Ottawa, the transit system is a nightmare (‘safety concern’) and “reliability of the transit system has been dropping steadily since 2012.” This adds to the traffic congestion, emissions, and an already polluted city.


“Edmonton’s economy has always been driven by resource wealth. It is the major supply and service centre for a vast territory extending from central Alberta to the Arctic Ocean. Agriculture, energy production (coal, conventional oilfields, oil sands and natural gas), forestry …  

Edmonton’s industrial base remains heavily dependent on natural resources (e.g., petroleum refining, petrochemicals, plastics, fertilizer) and the needs of resource-based industries (e.g., manufacturing of pipe and heavy equipment, metals fabrication), though Edmonton firms are prominent in a variety of fields, including construction, engineering services, electricity generation, banking and retailing.”

(Source) To sum it up: basically any time there is a dip in the oil and gas industries, Edmonton winds up screwed over and the economy starts shuddering with a bad cold. When companies lay off workers or pack up and leave town, the same issue repeats. Aside from resource extraction, Edmonton relies on retail. In other words, its overpaid workers have to spend a lot in the nearby malls and big box stores.

Living quality

Edmonton is expensive, although not among the worst. Its “living wage” is calculated to be $16.46/hour to survive. The average price of a single-family home is $436,825 (after market declines). 

As is typical of Canada, Edmonton has cold winters with the average temperature -18 C in January.

Shitty hockey

The city built a new “world class” hockey arena that cost over $600 MILLION. Yes in a city metro area of roughly a million people – with all kinds of issues – they spent that much on a hockey arena for their beloved team the Oilers. (The Canadian known as “The Great One” – Wayne Gretzky – hails from there.) Some of the stupidest comments: “
build it and they will come“; “this changes Edmonton forever“; “People will look back on today ‘as the day the excitement began‘.”

Yes they built an arena with no parking so the city could crack down on drivers with tickets to earn revenue. There’s some irony in this, since Edmonton was named as the most hated location for NHL players who called it a “complete nightmare” and likened it to an arctic hell hole (it even beat out Winnipeg)!

The takeaway:

Plenty more could be said, but I’ll end it here. Edmonton is an ugly, polluted, cold little town filled with mostly rednecks. The people getting government wages for “revitalizing” the city are overpaid, under-worked and drastically out of touch with its citizens’ needs. There is terrible traffic, pollution, urban sprawl and cost of living.

If you enjoy hicks, teenage mothers, rapists, crime, and manual labor – Edmonton is your town. Into knife-fighting or throwing? Edmonton is your town. Are you into an expensive, ugly dump (that will probably cause you health issues) with soul-crushing winters and grey, bleak outlooks? Edmonton is your town.

So enjoy this typical caker shit hole, everything included: winter, rednecks, expensive living.

Canadians put Stanley Cup on their money

From the CBC:

“Canadian hockey fans are about to score a new coin to mark the 125th anniversary of the Stanley Cup.  

According to details obtained by CBC News, the 25-cent regular circulation coin will feature an image of the Stanley Cup flanked on the left by a hockey player in period uniform and on the right by a player in a modern day uniform. Above the two players and the cup will be a banner with the inscriptions 1892 and 2017. At the bottom of the coin will be the inscription “125 Years Ans.”  

The obverse side will feature the usual image of the Queen by North Vancouver artist Susanna Blunt.  

The Royal Canadian Mint will likely unveil the coin next week.  

“It will be in conjunction with the celebrations of the 125th anniversary of the Stanley Cup,” said Alex Reeves, spokesperson for the Mint, who declined to reveal the exact day of the unveiling.  

A tribute organized by a number of groups including the National Hockey League, the Ottawa Senators and Rideau Hall is scheduled to run March 15-18 to mark the 125th anniversary of the most coveted prize in professional hockey.”

Cakers are actually putting the Stanley Cup on money! And Ottawa is running a three day commemoration event for its ‘anniversary’.

Honoring World War I veterans by putting symbols on coins, that I get. But a Stanley Cup? I guess we’re just lucky it’s on the quarter and not the twoonie; surprised they didn’t consider the Cup more worthy than veterans for a larger coin!

(The last Canadian team to win a Cup was Montreal in 1993.)

Monarchy and hockey, pathetic. Next up on our money: Tim Horton’s and the CBC; maybe a homage to our “free” healthcare on the 100 bill.

Here are some comments from the article:

Got it. Let’s put a pipeline and a smoke stack on one side, and a selection of small arms and other weaponry we export on the other. Two hallmarks of Canada’s valuable contribution to the world. Weapons to conflict zones and tar to the biggest polluters US & China. Yey Canada! We own the podium… yey!! clap, clap……….clap”

“It may be an anniversary thing, but why is the mint shilling for the NHL? The cup predates the league, but I don’t see the point in commemorating a trophy for what is now a multi-billion dollar professional sports league. I’m sure the NHL is happy for the free advertising

“Perhaps the mint should hold off on the Stanley Cup version at least until one Canadian team wins it again.

“The reverse side will feature the usual image of the Queen by North Vancouver artist Susanna Blunt.” ………………………. “this is a busy year for the mint, with plans for a series of coins to mark Canada’s 150th anniversary.” ……………. Time to get out of this archaic colony? Become “Canada” finally? If monarchists must win (they always do), let’s put the image of our last “real” link with the crown? Queen Victoria had something to do with this place. Today’s “family” is simply sucking in the glory of good old England

“Lacrosse was Canada’s official national sport until it was forced to share that honour with ice hockey in 1994. The consumption of beer would be awfully close as well.

“Why not have a coin commemorating those activities ?”

“Good to see. I’d also advocate that we don’t do enough to honour our First Nations peoples. I’d really like to see more emphasis on the history of FN people’s in Canada and that it be celebrated on items like coins and stamps.  Example. Francis “Peggy” Pegahmagabow 

This guy was the complete hero that Canada should be recognizing. I’m surprised a movie hasn’t been made about this man http://www.canadaatwar.ca/forums/showthread.php?t=2681

“@Rob Mccallum 
The most confusing part for immigrants must be the queen. Did these local Canadians “elect” this monarch that’s on their money? (That question should be open to all.) Immigrants paid to enter a democracy and what did they get? Monarchy/democracy is an oxymoron.

“Where are the new coins to honour females and female contribution?

“How many millions are we spending to pay for these pointless governor generals? How much is the Queen-thing actually costing us? I am so tired of watching this governor general giggle his way into retirement on our dime, for nothing. Schmoozing with Harper for years was also sickening to watch.

A $2 coin called a “Vimy” sounds better than one called a toonie. 
The names given to our $1 and $2 coins, at present, sound more like an animated series of comedy short films than Canadian currency.

The Libs likely wouldn’t remove the queen from Canadian currency, but they should. Why do we still honour the medieval principle of “inheriting” whole countries

It’s always nice to see glimpses of common sense before they are “down voted” out of viewing. I wasn’t kidding, welcome to Canadian “identity”: hockey, maple syrup, beavers, a lousy coffee chain and the Queen (who doesn’t even live here).

The act of living becomes a tedious chore when done in sad-sack Canada.

Poll confirms Canadians are total bores

From VICE:

“Most of you are probably planning to get wasted off your face (or take drugs) and watch fireworks to celebrate tomorrow’s midsummer stat holiday. But to really amp up the patriotic fervour, there’s really no better way to celebrate our great nation than some neurotic hand-wringing about what it means to be Canadian. Navel-gazing made this country great, and don’t you forget it.

Thankfully, just in time for your day off, Historica Canada commissioned an Ipsos-Reid poll to see how some classic Canadian clichés hold up in the harsh light of social science. These folks are the descendants of the organization whose Heritage Minutes convinced an entire generation of Canadian children that smelling burnt toast meant they were about to have a brain seizure, so you know that they’re legit.

They surveyed just over 1,000 people online and weighted the results by age, region, gender, income, education, and family size to make it as representative as possible. Most of what they found was about what you’d expect.

It turns out that almost 60 percent of Canadians are pretty big on hockey, and a full 18 percent believe it’s the greatest sport on earth. We can only assume that the 13 percent who said they’re “sick to death of hearing about it all the time” work for ISIS (and will be soon featured in a Conservative attack ad targeting Justin Trudeau) and have already been removed by the Mounties to an undocumented black site. Even the Soviets had the decency to enjoy hockey.

About 65 percent of people have seen Canada’s mascot—the noble beaver—in the wild, and more than half have also seen either a moose, a loon, or a bear somewhere in the great outdoors. However, people in Atlantic Canada or the West were slightly more likely to have gone outside (likely for nature in the West, or getting fucked up in the East). Those pulling in upwards of six-figure incomes were also marginally more likely than us plebs to have either seen one of our fine national animals in their natural habitat, or gone canoeing (88 percent) or dogsledding (16 percent). Indulging yourself in rustic Canadian authenticity takes a lot of money, I guess.

Speaking of national symbols, other surveys have shown that Tim Hortons is neck-and-neck with the Monarchy as a venerable Canadian institution. But I guess the pollsters figured that asking anyone what they thought about the great (mostly US-owned) Canadian doughnut shoppe this year risked triggering a flurry of racist threats on Twitter.

Celine Dion (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) was the artist 38 percent of those surveyed were proudest to call Canadian, and it spiked to 63 percent in la belle province. It’s tempting to read the fact that only six percent wanted to give the throne to Drizzy as a another damning indictment of the country’s whiteness, although then again, they didn’t ask about Rush at all, so maybe it’s just bad polling. I mean, how in the fuck you run a respectable survey about the Most Canadian Musicians without bringing up Geddy, Neil, and Alex is totally beyond me. Lord tunderin Jesus, indeed.

Close to 30 percent of people nationwide aren’t planning on doing anything to mark Canada Day, although this goes up to 49 percent in Quebec. Vive les patriotes!, and Moving Day and all that. Only 14 percent of East Coasters plan to skip the day’s festivities—proper thing given there’s shit all to do and the Holy Canadian Trinity (The Tragically Hip, Our Lady Peace, and City and Colour) are usually in town for the region’s One Big Show for the Year. Even in Newfoundand and Labrador, where we spend the morning in sombre reflection on the grotesquerie of war and the tragic folly of Man, we still manage to get the barbecues and beers going by the early afternoon. It may be less a celebration of Confederation’s birthday than giving the Rock’s lost generation an eternal Irish wake, but hey: a party’s a party.

A full 81 percent of Canadians have “eh” as part of their regular linguistic rotation, although only about a quarter drop it in everyday conversation. Half of us only blurt it out occasionally, and another six percent only use it when they want to play themselves up as a hyper-hoser dancing bear for Americans. This is actually the only question in the survey that even comes close to broaching the subject of anti-Americanism,
which is weird, because kneejerk hate for the USA is actually the most defining feature of Canadian identity. Aside from constantly over-analyzing Canadian identity, anyway. Sorry.

Confederation was built on “not being American.” The Revolution in 1776 was a civil war and the British loyalists who carved a country out of northern North America never got over the loss. We chafe at these kitschy stereotypes of Canada as a nation of poutine-munching liberal lumberjacks, even while we wrap ourselves up in them. One of the highest watermarks in patriotism during the past 20 years was the Joe Canadian commercial, and that was just a dude disputing the same tropes Historica polled for in an effort to one-up the States. We need to neurotically preen ourselves for Uncle Sam because otherwise we have to get down to the brass tacks of working out exactly what this country stands for. Stuff like rectifying the fact that the country was built on genocide and stolen land, figuring out how the fuck we’re supposed to get along with Quebec, assembling a society that actually welcomes refugees and immigrants instead of cutting them adrift, or settling the cultural Cold War that’s been simmering between Calgary and Toronto for the last 60 years. You know, the fun stuff.”

*** Comment:

What a lame country. When you hear “Canada” it always comes back to: hockey, beavers, maple syrup, being “nice”, not being American, and maybe Natives and the French (oh and throw in the Queen).

It just doesn’t get more lame. A country whose citizens pay more per capita for the upkeep of the royal family than the British do. The Queen doesn’t even live in Canada and she’s not unique to it (see: commonwealth). At least the Queen lives in England and Britain has a rich history of monarchy.

Beavers, maple syrup … really? A whole country’s identity is based on that? As for being “nice” – the only ones who say that are Canadians themselves! Hockey … a game Canadian teams can’t even win at. It’s always Americans taking home the Stanley cup, although I’ll concede the Canadian Olympic teams occasionally win gold.

Then there are the Natives … most Canadians consider them a nuisance or are outright disdainful; racism is rampant. The only time they come in handy is when we need some “culture” to feed the press or tourists from abroad. Many Natives live in third-world conditions. Canadians like to brag about their superiority over Americans when genocide was practiced against Natives here also, but is glossed over and white-washed even more than ‘American history’.

The Quebecois: the bastard child of England and France: not truly French, not ‘truly Canadian’, attempting to live in self-imposed exile and holding the entire country hostage (via referendum/separation threats), while forcing their language on the 90% English-country to the cost of BILLIONS per year.

Canada … not quite British, not quite French; decimated the Natives. No real culture to call its own minus a sad little coffee chain, production of maple syrup, and slavishly following ‘hackey’. Bitterly jealous of its brother down south who has sent man to the moon, created the internet, created an unparalleled republic and is known the world over. To make up for its lack of culture or interesting people, it calls itself superior to other countries because the people are “nicer”, “less racist”, and so on – none of which is true.

Possibly the only redeeming factor is that the country has natural beauty, which is no different from down south (USA) or Russia; most of it is a cold north (forcing nearly the entire population of the country to live along the American border). Only a developed nation thanks to the wealth and protection of the USA!

Canada or .. as should be better known: CA-NADA!